HELP....I'm Drowning in Chaos in a fabulous way

Today, I found myself thinking way too hard about the 3-year-old bottle of Xanax at the bottom of my purse—it was calling to me like the apple called to Eve. Honestly, I’ve got some serious Eve energy. Zero doubt. But here I am, day 4 of trying to get this place up and running with the previous owner hovering like a ghost in a teacup, and a customer sobbing—literally sobbing—over her tea bag. Apparently, it “used to hold 8 ounces of ginger lemon” and she misses the old bags. Ma’am… what bags? I just got here.

Meanwhile, my fancy, top-of-the-line, Chase POS system decided it wasn’t into printing today. After 45 minutes with tech support, the guy drops this gem: “Oh yeah, this machine isn’t compatible with adding tips.” EXCUSE ME? The genius who sold it to me knew I was opening a restaurant. So I fly over to Chase like a caffeinated tornado, and bless his heart, I meet an actual good guy banker (they do exist!). He calls tech, gets a promise it’ll be fixed in 30 minutes. Spoiler: It was not.

So yeah, sorry to all the waitresses—no tips today. We’re living in Alice in Wonderland, where madness is totally normal. On the bright side, I took a bite of a scone made by my miracle-chef Olympia, and it was like Ozempic who? Crisis temporarily averted. Until tomorrow. Because obviously, all hell’s about to break loose again.