Things I Know To Be True

How many calories

• You bitches be lying. (lifts,botox etc)

• It’s impossible to get over the pain of losing a child.

• Don’t f*** with the Florida Department of Revenue.

• Scones don’t have to be boring anymore.

• My scones are the best.

• Ozempic doesn’t work when you’re trying new scone flavors daily.

• Our soups are a homerun—homemade, and available for take-out and pick-up.

• Staying on task is difficult.

• Ok, deep sigh— I’ve decided my scones are by far the best. I know most people just love them, and I know I’ve created the American scone. How does that translate? Sugar. Yes, sugar—because Americans love sugar. Americans love flavor. Americans are spoiled. And I’ll keep that in mind as I grow my business— not as a “businesswoman,” but as an artist and chef.

  And the soup—oh, my soup of Soup Nazi quality—we’ll get to that another time.

  Slow down, Christine—stay on track.

  So… sooo… I’m taking orders for the 12 Days of Christmas Mini Assorted Scones. A clap (or at least a pat on the back) is due now. Think of it as an advent calendar—12 days of different scone surprises. Christian, Jewish, Muslim—regardless, this is simply meant to be delightfully savored.

  We’re now becoming the official scone business of South Florida; amongst the many other hats we wear. And believe me, we certainly have enough hats.

  
  

  So while it’s ta-ta time as my city-that-never-sleeps brain reacts to a couple of non-habit-forming sleep pills (ask me about them if you’re a bad sleeper) … here’s to you, scone: strawberry white chocolate, pumpkin chocolate chip, coconut, apricot—you get the point.